Hey Everyone, I am moving to Montreal and I am STOKED!

Every time I move to a new city, I have this idea that I can be a better person. This time, I’ll have it together. I won’t have limits. I won’t get sick. This time, I’ll stop using the pronoun “I” in my writing, unlike all those other self-obsessed narcissistic blog writers. I’ll just start using “you” instead and project all my bullshit onto my readers and followers.

It will be a selfless journey, where the power to change is within reach and all you has to do is give. less.fucks.

You won’t let the critics bother you. You are more than your doubts and worries. Magically, you will have it all together and even though you have to cancel all your bills, accounts, sell all your furniture and buy ones on the other side, the transition will not phase you. You are stronger than that now. Making the money you need to pay for the cost of moving will appear from thin air, and you’ll pay off all your debt to boot.

You can now have perfect teeth, and your health insurance definitely won’t be a huge bureaucratic pain in the ass to get. People will be your friend, and you’re weekends will be filled with exciting things to do. You won’t have conflict between your performance job and these new friends, even though you only work on nights and weekends. You’ll finally be able to pay for their beers generously, and give yourself to all their emotional needs without a problem, obviously. Surely, the circus career is bound to pony up the cash this time.

Yes, working hard will happen but you won’t stress about that. It will be seamless, and you’ll never seem awkward. You’ll walk into those rooms confidently and with great posture. On top of that you’ll know all the streets and how to get around town with the quickest routes. You’ll understand what people are talking about when they describe their travel routes. You won’t spend a year learning the new maps, no no, this will come naturally. The politics will be instinctual, and never ever seem like a giant grey blob of nonsense. It will be as if you are floating, through life, with ease.

Despite the jobs in your chosen career being nearly entirely based on who you know, you will walk into it without a hitch, getting the jobs you need to make rent and more. You’ll start that retirement fund you’ve always wanted. Nothing rude, or inappropriate will ever come out of your mouth. Your sarcastic humor will always be understood, and telling jokes in that new language should be easy to do.

Yes yes, when you move, you will be a new person. Surely there won’t be any problems with this new city, even though your whole family decided to up and leave it 30 years ago. This is where you were born, and that means that it’s where you belong. You’ll find your people this time and not feel like an outsider, ever. You’ve already learned that new language. The new lingo of this city and those weird accents will be easy to pick up, surely. Those rumors of anglophones being outcasts and overlooked for work are exaggerated, be sure.

You’ll be skinnier and you’re hair will be longer and you’ll start running marathons. You’ll be stronger than you’ve ever been. You’ll be able to see your family and friends down south on the weekends, and that 6 hour drive will be simple to do. They will never stress you out, and you certainly won’t get involved in their drama again.

You’re not like that anymore.

You won’t mind the cold when winter comes. No Way! You LOVE winter sports. It’s been so long since you’ve been skating, tobogganing and skiing, and you miss it. When those cold winds and dark nights fall upon you, you’ll have time to snuggle up to your man and play in the snow! As long as you’re on a metro line, and you have a great jacket and boots it’ll be fine.

Yes, you will be a new person when you move, and life will be perfect. You will never be condescending when you’ve figured it all out, not like those other people. Acting arrogantly is really only for weak, insecure people, and you won’t have anything to be insecure about! You will feel happy and even if you get angry, and that’s a big if, it will always be in private and no one will ever know. You’re an adult now, and you can handle your emotions all by yourself. You can just let it all go, easily, every time.

Surely, this time, you’ve got this.