2 weeks left in residence – 3 X 45 minute shows to present (in French), 30 tutorials to film, 3 episodes of a small animation series and 1 mini documentary to complete. 4 songs written on my ukelele (I’m a song writer?) 10 essays in draft. More future dreams noted to be realized at a later time than I could ever complete, and a dream journal of all the dreams and nightmares I could remember while here, written down to remember those too. Poems written, ridiculous clown moments filmed. Nearly a hundred photos taken/edited and over 25 postcards to be sent. (have you sent me your address yet?) Photography has been some of my favorite work here, and that has taken me by surprise.
The wind howls through the convent now, and the rain is coming down. The darkness has fallen upon this land and I have acquired a new fear as the doors creak and the shutters bang. A window blew open and shattered on Saturday as I cowered in bed clinging to Ben. I barely hear the church bells any longer. I blast my tunes, I search for new tunes. The cold rains makes walking more difficult and photos more difficult to take with my newly smashed and mechanically exposed camera. I’ve started running, just a few kms, but I have been accepted to attempt to break the world records in 5kms joggling as I have always dreamed and I hope to break them in the summer. One day it will be a marathon. I have wanted that since I was a teenager.
I do everything I can so my fingers don’t freeze while I juggle. The trees have turned, the sky is grey, although the sun peaks out occasionally. My studio has a personal heater, but the wind finds ways through and the iron doors rattle over the music. I’ve been nearly alone and isolated for almost 3 months (except I see my love every 3 weeks and occasional artist coming through). I feel like I have healed many old wounds, found myself again, came to some new philosophies. I have learned cooking for myself and somehow remembered I’m a writer (4 note books filled!). I’ve created a video almost every day, although many little private ones. Not everything worked out as I wanted, but I have time to work on my dream show I call Poetry in Motion, when I come back to live in Poitiers with Ben. My meditation practice didn’t sit well with me. Hardy har, but really, one day I swear I’ll be able to sit in one spot for 10 minutes a day. (no advice, please)
After months of near solitude, I could sure use some ‘prop jams’ with my juggly peeps or getting a grove on with my musical folk. That said, it’s been completely awesome to get in touch with my natural rhythms, my natural self, feel my own calls and be on my own schedule. It’s been a dream come true, and I feel very lucky to have been able to produce so much work – so much of myself. I worked hard street performing to get here, and, I look forward to getting back on that street again. These two experiences are juxtapositions in life. As is life. The dueling duality on every level. I love where I am at, but I am seriously ready to be in my own culture, to juggle, to be warm and feel like I “know” what’s going on around me. To see my peeps, to be inspired by outside influences, and to present the arts I’ve been creating. None of it will be perfect, it is all an experiment.
Oh look the sun!…